I was really looking forward to today. This afternoon to be precise. The bit directly after midday, when I was planning to walk out of the office and have a lovely afternoon off, cruising the shops, picking up all those odds and ends I keep a list of in my handbag, touching all the pretty stuff, getting started on my xmas shopping (yeah right - but the thought of 4 whole hours to myself is so foreign I actually thought I might have time to do just that!).
I haven't bought any news clothes in over 6 months. Not that Im a fashion plate - anyone who has met me knows Im a denim kind of girl, love my good old standby jeans and blunnies, certainly don't "follow fashion" as it were. But I like to cruise the racks, pick up a few new things each season (of which I consider there are two for clothes - summer and winter), some for work, some for casual, nothing too edgy. But Pirate Jim and change rooms don't go together these days, so it's a rare thing.
So I was pretty excited about getting out there. I had a wish list - a couple of new, fine classic jumpers that I could wear to work (HATE being cold), maybe some stylish casual tops, some new (non-denim) pants for casual wear. Something landed on my desk at 11:45 that had to be dealt with, but I was on my way at 1:30, so all was not lost.
Not lost, that is, until I got to the shops and started cruising. I started at the start, and worked my way through them all, every store, even the "chicky-babe" shops - that cheap imported 5-minute-fashion for those 15 years younger and 15 kilos lighter than me. Nothing. Nada. Nix.
I do not consider myself that old or daggy, but I feel about 65 tonight - podgy, frumpy, uber-daggy. I held up probably hundreds of items in the space of a few hours, and hardly found anything to try on, let alone buy. Tops that look like sacks, skinny-legged pants, horrible garish "retro" prints, huge chunky knits (from crap yarn!), awful dull colours (well, that dont suit me), HORIZONTAL stripes.....everything made me look huge or try-hard.
So I have finally realised that I need help - I have no style! I have no sense of how to wear any of this stuff, how to accessorise, how to suit my body shape. I see people all over wearing it and looking fine, but I can't figure out what my style is....Ive made it through 30-ish years of clothing myself by either ignoring what suits me (and looking like an idiot - think hot pink bubble skirt circa 1987) or lucking out (I think this probably accounts for the last 10 or so years, coinciding with the occurance of actually caring about how I look).
It was quite a demoralising afternoon. I think I need to mull it over for a while, or maybe this is just one of those "truth on a platter" days that The Mad Mad Housewife had recently, when one realises one is ready for plastic rollers and tweezing stray hairs out of one's chin.
I did end up buying something though, so all was not completely lost.
I bought a new pair of jeans. sigh. I guess Im just a denim kind of girl.